


Kevin Once Said

by jumilsbish



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, i wrote half of this in tears, inspired by today's live, really just a comfort fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28618977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumilsbish/pseuds/jumilsbish
Summary: He’s said a lot of things over the years, some more serious than others, and he wants to know what has stuck by them, what has inspired them to live happier.-“I always say I want to be a source of strength for you guys but, unexpected moment, I’m just reading your comments here and realizing that  you guys are my source of strength.”
Relationships: Lee Juyeon/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 58





	Kevin Once Said

**Author's Note:**

> hey i wrote this in 2 hours, crying 
> 
> this is also my first work of 2021 so let's go i guess

It has only been six days since his last live and yet he feels like he has to go live again. He’s been practicing all day, dancing and singing, perfecting every little detail to give the best performance possible. 

Kevin is tired, though maybe more emotionally than physically, but the prospect of talking to their fans again makes him a little giddy with excitement. Maybe even more so because he came up with another theme for the live, making beads had been fun but today he felt like listening to the stories of those supporting them. 

_Kevin Once Said🌙_

He’s said a lot of things over the years, some more serious than others, and he wants to know what has stuck by them, what has inspired them to live happier. 

Admittedly, he’s a little anxious when setting up the camera. Last year he had needed the break from VLive after he couldn’t hold proper conversations anymore with all the nonsensical comments drowning out the people who were genuinely asking him about his life. His previous live was good though and with a smile he starts the stream. 

Slowly, fans start pouring in. 

“Hi, deobi.”

He points to the back while speaking, “I broke it, the moon. So I’ll be vertical vlives a lot from now I guess.” chuckling lightly.

Going back and forth between Korean and English he tells them about the meaning of the title, thus the purpose of the live. It seems to resonate with the fans as one by one more comments with things he’s said fill the comments.

He plays Priority, wanting to promote his members’ unit song to show off their vocals to the world. 

The comments keep coming, some of them hinting at jokes he’s made, others about advice he’s giving their fans on countless instances to cheer them up. Somehow, seeing his own words is weirdly comforting after this long day. 

He feels good, knowing that fans have found comfort in him. One, in particular, stands out to him.

“It’s okay to be in a state where you feel not well. It’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to cry. There’s nothing wrong with that, we’re all human. Once we get past that, you know, sometimes people can get angry at themselves, be mad at themselves and blame themselves for the emotions they’re going through and I think that can be positive in some situations.” 

“What I meant with that phrase was if you have happy moments it doesn’t have to be balanced out with bad moments. I know some people around me and even I still go through those thoughts and that’s the message I wanted to send. It’s okay not to be okay.”

He doesn’t miss his chance to thank the fans for making their achievements possible. 

A smile is on his face continuously. 

“Someone asked ‘Kevin are you okay?’, well, I’m doing alright.” He laughs the heavy feeling settling in his chest away. 

“When you talk about music production. Thank you,” he chimes with a smile before continuing. “I think if someone really enjoys something they can go on for days talking about that one thing. I hope all of y’all can find that one thing you can talk about for days.” 

Later on in the live, as he plays more songs, he feels a lump rising into his throat and he swallows heavily. He tries to shake the feeling off but he can’t, it stays right there, rooted deeply in his chest.

“I don’t know what happened.” He says quietly, sniffing a little to keep his emotions at bay. The continuous comments about how he came into their lives at the right moment, has made them happy, is their comfort idol make his heart heavy while simultaneously lifting an imaginary weight off his shoulders. 

“I always say I want to be a source of strength for you guys but, unexpected moment, I’m just reading your comments here and realizing that you guys are my source of strength.” 

It’s when he plays Difference Maker that it gets too much. 

Tears well up in his eyes, threatening to spill over. He leans onto the desk, face hidden in his arms and behind his cap. Emotions taking over as he sees the loving comments keep pouring in. 

When he sits up, shaking his head, he can’t help but say thank you again. 

For a few moments, he moves off-screen, furiously wiping at his tears before returning in front of the camera. “Sorry.”

“Thank you.”

He decides to play the piano for a bit, jokingly saying singing and crying isn’t exactly a good mix. Fingers dancing over the keys he tries to keep himself in check, focus on the music to get rid of this overwhelmed feeling. 

“Okay back to this, focus Kevin, focus.” 

Hoping that scolding himself will get him back to the purpose of the live. 

“You guys have given me so much positivity today. Thank you.” 

He ends up singing XO, voice a little rough from the crying and emotions still swirling through his head as he plays. The last notes drift into the silence in the rest of the room. 

“Kev out, have a goodnight.” 

The moment the camera cuts he heaves a deep sigh. Time to go home. 

Lost in thoughts he enters the dorm and before he even registers what’s happening arms wrap around him, hugging him close to the warm bigger body. “Hey, baby.” 

The comfort of his boyfriend’s arms seems to break through the dam with little effort, tears spilling out and soaking through the fabric of his sweater. He buries his face into the soft material and lets himself cry to his heart’s content. 

Juyeon kisses the top of his head, nuzzling into his hair where the cap has fallen off from the sudden embrace. “You okay?” He mutters, arms tightening around the other’s frame in a protective manner. 

“Now that you’re here I am.” His voice breaking on the last syllables. 

“Good.” The taller pulls him towards his bedroom, carefully dropping onto the mattress together while still holding his grip on Kevin. 

They lay in silence because Juyeon understands all his boyfriend needed was someone to hug him, to give him the physical comfort words couldn’t. 

He opens his mouth to speak after a bit but closes it again, seemingly deciding against speaking. Kevin looks up at the sharp intake of breath and frowns when no words follow, he runs a hand through the other’s hair slowly. “What is it?” 

“Were you overwhelmed?” 

Kevin doesn’t have to ask by what, just nods with a shy smile playing on his lips, “it’s just... I know they find comfort in us but I never realized how much better they make me feel. How much comfort they give me in return.” 

“I know,” The older kisses him, whispers softly against his lips. “You are loved, baby.” 

He can’t help but chuckle lightly. “I know, Juyeonie.”

**Author's Note:**

> all i'll say is we don't deserve kevin moon 
> 
> hope you enjoyed, leave kudos and a comment if you did, that means a lot!
> 
> find me @jumilsbish on twitter for updates on other fics i've planned 
> 
> love y'all, please stay safe <3


End file.
